Booty Sprout Hip Thrust Machine

Bought this off Facebook Marketplace, which in hindsight probably should’ve been the first warning sign. When someone is urgently trying to unload a “Booty Sprout Hip Thrust Machine,” there’s usually a reason. Unfolding and setting up all the bands feels less like gym equipment and more like you’re preparing a medieval trap for your hips. The resistance bands are awkward, the positioning is weird, and the entire experience somehow feels both ineffective and deeply uncomfortable at the same time. I tried to give it a fair chance. Adjusted the bands. Changed foot positions. Tried different tensions. At one point I looked less like I was training glutes and more like I was attempting an interpretive dance routine with industrial bungee cords. Maybe this machine works great if you’re built like a Kardashian and your entire lower body operates on influencer physics. But for me? I’ll stick to loading plates onto a barbell like back when we were a proper country. To be fair, it does technically work your glutes. But so does every squat, deadlift, lunge, step-up, hill sprint, and carrying groceries from the car. Except those don’t make you feel like you bought exercise equipment from a soccer mom named Carolyn during a Facebook Marketplace meetup in a Target parking lot.

This is compact and very easy to setup. The Pro version is better in the sense of wider platform and a little more robust. You have to purchase additional bands because the ones provided aren’t sufficient in resistance. It’s easiest to get out of position by using a single large carabiner to hook multiple bands to, rather than having to unclip multiple individual bands. I added full coverage skateboard tape to the platform surface. This could be built better for the cost, but even with many stronger bands connected, I never felt unsafe.